practices

practice makes perfect...even though not fluent in English, either speaking or writing..
but i'll try...
Dr. Ng always said...practice practice practice..prepare prepare prepare...
so???

happen again

even though i  already make up with stepmother, i still not feeling comfortable with her..
she always complaining about my clothes, my scarfs, my shoes and so forth..
she always make comparison between her stuff with mine...
my taste is DEFINITELY DIFFERENT with her....
she always not satisfied with what i'm wearing..

sometime she always talk like she-know-everything..
arghhh!! seriously....
last time she ask me forgiveness towards her attitudes, that time i just silent..
i don't want to talk about it...
but, i just told both of them that, people around me always blaming without any investigation..
if they want to mad at me, they just did..without i know  what was my mistake...
that's why i become silent person when with them and others members of family..
i just happy with my friends only..
that's the way i can release my tension...
frankly, i seriously  damn  tired of all of this...
i don't even know what kind of words and reaction are right for them..

long time no see

oh my God!!! it's been a long time that i was not updated my blog...
last time were 3 November 2012, and now i open again ...it 3 February 2014....
it such a long time...hmmmm..how many years actually???
2 or almost 3 ?? hmmm... maybe..
well..a lot things happened to me in those years, that's why i didn't update my blog...
well...want to recalled back on 2013???
hmm... let me see...

2013..
in this year, i had fought  with my best friend...
is she my best  friend???
i don't know how described it...
when i looked back, it makes me sad and regret on what happened back days..
what makes me sad is because, i had a best friend that always look negatively on me...
she never try to understand about my thinking.. my perceptions..and so forth..
it just too many differences that we cannot complete each other,...
i thought that, when we became a best friend, we could complete each other...
she understands me, and so do i..but at the end, we can't...

what's make me feel so mad...
another 2 friends that follows her steps and didn't acknowledged me..
i don't understand any single thing about them having a attitude like that..
why? why?
i think i didn't made any single with mistake with them during that time..
it just beyond my expectation about theirs..
now, i don't want talk about it...

oh, now realized about my feeling...this time...it's real..
actually, what i felt about asri is not love..it just empathy..
well, it's kinda mad..
yeah, i really got mad towards him..
why not, he abandoned me because of other new friends..
woooaaaaa!!! seriously !!
he was not supposed to do that, i'm the first one who talk to him when other people don't even bother about him...
when other people realized that he was in our class, he started to forgot me..wow!! nice man !!
oh God!! i hate him..
but i felt so happy when he transferred to other campus...
hmmm...the world so bright that time...hahahahha..ehmmmm?? world??
at the end, i didn't give him a damn...THE END

terkilan

disebabkan benda kecil..dia dah decide xnk kwn ngan aku..tp mengaku aku still kwn dia...
kwn ker mcm tu..
kalau btl kawan, dia xkn bt mcm tu..
bergaduh sebesar mana pun, dia akn berbaik blk..
tp dia...smpai unfriend aku dlm fb..
pastu duk tuduh aku tegur dia dlm fb..sedangkan status yg aku keluarkan xde kaitan lgsg ngan dia.
tetiba jer nk naik angin..
logik ker kalau dia masih anggap aku kwn, dia bt perangai mcm tu..
kalau nk kata slh aku 100%, mmg x logik la..
aku dah explain dah kat dia..
even aku dah mntk maaf dah kat dia..
so, nk apa lg..
aku x tegur dia cz aku ingat dia msh mrh aku lg..aku diam lah..
tp nmpk gayanya dia lbh senang xde kwn mcm aku...
aku punyalah  berdoa kat tuhan mntk utk kwn blk,
tp sygnya doa x dimakbulkan, itu xksh sgt..
tp yg aku sakit ati, dia x hargai lgsg lps aku bgtau dia yg aku doa pasal benda ni..
aku xtau la perangai dia tu mcm mana,..
dia duk kata xtahan ngan peranagi aku..aku ni 1000 kali xtahan ngan perangai dia..tp aku bt xtau jer..sbb aku anggap dia kwn aku..
tp dia..asyik kata duk asyik ikut angin aku...skrg ni sapa yg ikut angin sapa sbnrnya??
bleh pk blk..kata profesionalism..
profesionalism tengkorak kau!!!
kau tu x matang dlm berpk...
nak org ikut kata kau jer..
org len pun ader perasaan jgak tau x...
org dah mntk maaf, dah la..
xpyh nk besarkan benda yg terlampau kecik ni..
aku x phm la perangai dia ni...
susah nk berckp ngan org yg terlampau pandai dlm segala bab ni ,
susah nk berckp ngan org kepala angin ni..
susah nk berckp ngan org 1 malaysia..
susah semua la...
setiap kali aku sakit ati, aku tahan, pastu aku diam..then aku ok..
tp kau..pendam, pastu bengkak sorg2..last2 decide unfriend dlm fb, decide xnk kwn..
ok.fine!!! teruskan.. satu jer aku nk ingatkan kau..dosa yg kau tanggung sgt berat..
sebab apa? sebab kau dah menyakitkan ati aku berterusan, pastu bt fitnah kat aku...
hei, dgr cni, dosa kecil tp sering dilakukan, lama2 akn menjd dosa besar..kau tau x..
kalau kau xtau...
g rujuk pakar agama.. rujuk skali ngan mslh kau yg liat sgt nk solat.

sedih sgt,

dia telah meluahkan something dlm fb nya.,
yg dia telah jatuh cinta pd seseorg prmpn  ( prmpn klntn),
dah hari2 dia akn melihatnya, dimana prmpn tu adalah sekelasnya..



asri, awk sepatutnya dah bleh agak, yg sy begitu sukakan awk,
seriously, sy xpernah rasa mcm ni, sy asyik nangis  bila awk rapat ngan perempuan sedangkan kte xde apa2..
dah dua kali sy menangis sebab awk..
susahkah awk nk cam n predict yg sy terlampau skakan awk,
sy sendiri xtau mcm mana sy blh ska kan awk..


tp bila sy dpt tau yg kwn sy sendiri begitu sukakan awk,
baiklah sy akn berundur, demi kawan sy,
sy sygkan begitu sygkan sy, tp sy lebih menyayangi kwn sy,
sy xnk disebabkan awk,sy ngan kwn putus kwn...

juwita, kak izni, kalau berdua begitu suka kan asri, silakan..
sy akn berundur, demi kamu..
sy rela sakit demi utk melihat kwn sy bahagia..
asri, kalaulah awk tau betapa sakitnya hati sy setiap kali sy melihat awk..

cikgu sy suruh sy melupakan awk,tp mcm mana sy nk lupakan awk
,sedangkan awk sentiasa didpn mata sy,
selalu berbual ngan sy,
selalu gelak ngan sy..
selalu main2 ngan sy..

tp hari ini,tanpa segan silunya, sy menangis sebab awk..
sebab terlalu menyinyai awk..

Ya Allah,salahkah aku menyintai seorg lelaki bernama mohd asri bin khairol???
mengapa ada shja halangan utk aku meluahkan perasaan aku terhadapnyer...
tp tidak mengapalah, aku akan pendam perasaan ini sehingga...
aku pun xtau smpai bila..

dptkah aku bertahan, sehingga 2 thn utk berdepan ngan mu wahai asri...
terlalu sakit hati ini, sakit sgt....
rasa nk tercabut jer hati ini...

now, what should i do????

aku menulis isi hati ku ini dengan tangisan yg tidak henti2...

penat

time aku bt baik, kau bt hal..kau bt muka ngan aku..
bila aku bt hal, bt muka..kau sentap..
tau pun apa yg aku rasa..
 selama ni kau berckp x tau nk hormat org..
ckp lepas jer..
x pk perasaan org dah...
aku ckp dah aku x reti translate skrip bahsa arab, kau paksa gak..
aku mmg dah agak dah, kalau msk kmpln kau,mmg ada mslh punya..
kau mmg setan la manusia!!!!!!!

aku suka dia

first time aku tgk dia , xde apa2 perasaan lg masa tu..
lps tgk dia present e-commerse n tersenyum..
membuatkan aku terkejut n berdebar-berdebar..
senyuman nya bg aku begitu cantik..
cantik sgt senyumannya seperti tuannya..
masa nk tegur pun, aku baca bismillah kerana segan..
jarang aku nk tegur lelaki tp baca bismillah..selalunya main tegur jer...
dan hari2 seterusnya, kami saling tegur menegur..
dan mulai saat itu,aku rasa macm aku dah jatuh "suka' kat dia..
oh tidak!!! tp aku rasa hepi  kerana dia selalu tegur aku n selalu senyum kat aku...
tp ini x leh jd..kerana aku xnk bercinta..
kalau mcm tu, biarlah aku jd pemuja dia dr jauh...
dia x handsome bg aku, tp dia cute n putih tmbh lg kalau dia senyum..
bila dia senyum, ibarat dunia ini turut senyum bersama...
mohd asri, awk begitu indah bg sy..sangat indah..